WAR OF THE WORLDS

As some of you know, I own a cat by the name of Olive. Well, as cats go, a human doesn't really OWN them as much as they are "tolerated in the presence" of a cat.

And Olive has been ill, thus requiring the administration of two pills per day to her.
Olive is quite a good-tempered pet, but it must be pointed out that she and pills are not a compatible mixture.

I have tried multiple methods of getting her meds in her. And the process is an adventure to say the least. Some friends have told me that grinding up the pills in baby food has worked for them, so I gave it a shot.

Well, Olive scoffed at the baby food idea.
She sniffed, then tasted (it was turkey – and smelled exactly so), took one HARD look at me … and walked away. I swear I heard her say "Foolish Human" as she did, too.

DRAT! FOILED AGAIN.

But being the coyote to her road-runner, I will keep trying.
(I have ordered and am waiting for delivery of one ACME Pill Launcher)

At that point we then had a huge ‘throw-down’ over the traditional pill-taking method.
It was quite worthy of something that FOX would show as a new reality series.

That succeeded in getting ½ of a pill down her throat (DON’T ASK how it got cut in half – suffice it to say it was not a planned event but feline eye teeth and
my remaining 9 fingers were involved).

I then ground the rest up and mixed it with some tuna. Success.

Until I tried the same thing this morning,
Much like Cylons, Olive adapts, evolves ... and has a plan.
The tuna disguise was useless against her olfactory powers and steely will (not to be confused with ‘steely-wool’, which has no health benefits, but does clean the pots fairly well).

So I donned my urban camo fatigues and snuck up on her from behind – pretending to be a coffee table.
Once close enough, I pounced, oven mitt covered hands forcing her mouth open in a way reminiscent of crocodile wrestling on Mutual of Omaha
and SLAMMED the pill down her gullet.
Completely taken by surprise, she gulped and inadvertently swallowed it whole.
I think it was the surprise involved in being force-fed by a coffee table.

But I know, just as the sun will set and Buddy Cianci will return to power once again, that she will not fall for that methodology again.

I am contemplating a new plan for tonight – one that involves the jaws-of-life and a blow-gun.
To paraphrase The Who: "She won’t get fooled again…"